Here I am again!

I don't know how wise it is that I am taking up blogging again, but I feel the need to try and explain what I am feeling. It's a little late at night to be starting this, but....here we go. I was raised in 'the church' my whole life. By this, I mean, my mother made sure we were in church. No, she didn't send us by bus. She took us. For 17 years of my life, this was the case. She didn't force us once we were older. If we wanted to go, we went; but if we didn't, she would remind us where we needed to be, at church. During my childhood, I was sexually molested both by family members and neighbors. I somehow always felt less than because of that....I became physically ill when I was seventeen and underwent a cholecystectomy (the removal of my gallbladder). I had complications from that sugery and wound back up in the hospital a few days later to experience a near death. While laying there and the doctor explaining how serious my condition was, I was having thoughts of "Lord, I have lived my life for myself. I have never really lived for you. But should you bring me through this, I want to live my life for you." I should preface this by for a short time, I went wild. And even for a year or so after this time, I was searching for something. Something I had not found in 'church'. I went to the bars with my best friend. We watched the male strippers. I did other things... But the weirdest thing happened. The Lord would quietly speak to me and say, "Mist, you know you really shouldn't be here. That just took all the fun out. I could not enjoy 'sinning'..." I still attended 'church' but I was not fulfilled and as I read my Bible, I just knew there had to be more. The only thing at church that made me happy was the singing. So I grew up some more, got a job, started work, started a few classes at night school and still was searching. Through one job I had, I went to an Assembly of God Church, big step for a Southern Baptist of 18 years. I mean I grew up in the 'thou shalt not' household of faith. Yet, every Sunday, the same faithful people were there. No one really ever looked like they enjoyed being there although they were kind, loving people and they had faith. But it was of the 'if it is the Lord's will' faith and they accepted it. Whatever it was since to them well, if it is the Lord's will...Then, as I said, I tried an AOG (Assembly of God). While there, one lady had tongues and she also gave the interpretation. Something gave me the heebeejeebies. Something just wasn't right. I couldn't tell you what, but I knew, something about it wasn't right. I got out of there as fast as I could politely do so. For another year or two, I struggled along, going to my dead, boring, lifeless, powerless church and all the while looking for 'life' which is why I think I went out doing things I should not have been doing. That Christ tells us we should not do...

I started taking tae kwon do lessons. My instructors were Christians and I liked their after-class prayer session. I heard about how God was moving and the 'spirit'. It interested me. I heard 'active faith'. She said I should come to this church that she goes to every now and then. I thought, 'why not?'. After all, something had to change...in the meantime, an older lady (20 years older than me) extended a hand of friendship to me. Funny, she went to the same Baptist church I did and she talked about how she liked to visit other churches and there must be more... She talked me into going to another AOG church and I have to admit, I was a little fearful, but then thought well, I always hear about those people who swing from the chandeliers. There must be something that us Baptists just don't have. It is in the Bible, tongues that is. I went and I didn't get freaked out by the tongues. In fact, it was interesting. There wasn't the heebeejeebie feeling there was before. I do believe there are tongues of the devil and there are tongues of the Holy Spirit. I believe my first experience was of the devil and my second, was of the Lord. There was no fear. There is no fear when you know the Lord is in the situation. I can't explain what, I can just tell you how I felt. So at this second experience, they asked who would like to receive prayers to receive the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. All that raised their hands were asked to go to another room to be prayed for, my friend and I went. They prayed. Nothing happened. I was fine with it because I had told the Lord that if it would help me in my prayer life and He wanted me to have it, then please give it to me; if it would not help me and he didn't want me to have it, then it would not happen. So it really didn't bother me when I left the building the same person. However, what happened later on that night changed my life forever. I woke myself up, sitting up in bed at 12 o'clock midnight, speaking in tongues. Wow! A Baptist, speaking in tongues, no more did I fit in where I was going to church. So with some sadness I started looking for elsewhere to go. Because I did love these people, I just wanted more of God, more of what I read in the Bible, power, overcomers, conquerors through Christ Jesus. I heard of a Baptist Church that was in a nearby city where supposedly the Spirit was free-er. I went there, but it really didn't draw me. I heard about a church on the other side of the nearby city, but it was a really, really big church and I tried it, but it didn't draw me. Then I heard about one on the other side of the lake from that big church and my instructor in TKD was attending from time to time. She said the Holy Spirit is alive in that church. I went there to see and immediately I was at home. They didn't swing from the chandeliers but I could easily see how others who had never experienced such things could think this was so. My life was forever changed. Instead of just a okay Lord this must be your will...I became an 'active faith' believer. God is active. His gifts are still in operation. The tongues have not passed away. He still moves supernaturally. The chains of legalistic doctrine were broken. I attended this church for just over six years. I met my husband there. We were married there.

One week before my husband and I were to be married, everyone, I mean everyone that was on the board of 'that church' left the church. Every one on the board of that church was in our wedding party. We only know one side of the story as the pastors shared with us what had happened...if anyone knows 'truth' there are always three sides. Your side, their side, and the truth. You know, God's side. We don't understand all that happened. The pastors of the church were the only ones who would speak to us about it. As I said every one who was to be in our wedding that attended that church, except for my best friend for life who I had grown up with in the Baptist church, went to that church. My husband was extremely hurt by this. I handled it better but only because I had more supportive family which is really weird because I have, in the last couple of years, found out how dysfunctional my family really is....For the sake of our marriage ceromony, all sides agreed to be amicable and 'get through the ceromony'...it still hurts to this day. My husband never really recovered from this, but we did notice a certain attitude. Due to his career we wound up moving away from the area. We tried different churches, but again, we would run into this attitude of nicolaity. If you don't know of anything God hates, you had better read up on this one. God hates the nicolatians. He says so in His Word. The definition is those who 'lord over you'. It seemed that everywhere we went someone was trying to put a ball and chain on us and lord their 'knowledge' over us. You know, we are more spiritual than you because we have such and such degrees behind our names. Through the years, we have grown closer to the Lord, read our Bibles more, have a closer relationship with the Lord than we ever did while in 'church'. I find that too many 'church-going Christians' like to wear masks. And brother, if you talk about such things, you must not be a Christian. I dislike very much when someone is so busy about telling me you can't do that and be a Christian when they are so bound up in their doctrines and Christ came to give us liberty. I read a book and truly, I hate the title of the book, it is named "Come Out of Her, My People, the Harlot Church System". Most Christians cringe and I cringe when I mention the name of this book. But this book is all about how people let the 'church' steal their relationship from Christ. How they take on whatever job asked of them instead of really waiting and seeing if that is what the Lord would have you do. I try to walk obedient to the Lord. That doesn't mean I don't mess up. I mess up all the time.

Okay, hopefully, now you will see some of what has made me into the person I am today. You can't convince me the gifts aren't in operation. There have been too many supernatural events happen in my life for it not to be so; more so than just the speaking in tongues. There has been a lot of water flow under this bridge. I am flexible but you had better have a good, scriptural reason, and that includes the whole chapter before and the whole chapter after whatever Bible verse you are talking to me about with two other verses confirming it before I might change. If I don't agree with you, can't we agree to disagree? and still be friends.