Give Me, Give Me, Give Me!!!

Well, life is seemingly getting back to normal. My children have returned to being the respectable, mostly responsible teenagers my husband and I have been working to raise to adulthood. It is a very nice feeling. I can't help but feel for the mother who now finds herself struggling with her older boys and their attitudes. I wonder, is it really their 'tudes' or the company they have been keeping. I told my children, got right up in their faces and said, “The only thing we are responsible to supply you with is food, clothes and a place to sleep. None of this other stuff that you get to enjoy is a right. It's a privilege!” Wow, what a concept! For the most part, you don't get things given to you in real life. If you want them, you work for them. Where have we endorsed this behavior with our children that they deserve everything out there to be just given to them. And more than just our children, it seems most people stand now days with their hands out and the attitude of 'give me, give me, give me'. I realize now some of my upbringing was very valuable in defeating this mindset I call 'entitlement'. My parents were quite older when they had me. I was the baby of five boys, the only girl. Guess how many times I got to play Barbies with five boys...Nope, it was more like indians and cowboys, cops and robbers, baseball, tag football, when they would even allow me, a girl, to play with them. But ask my husband, he's a blessed man. His wife knows how guys think and she loves most Sci-fi shows.

Okay, so back to my topic, entitlement behavior. Somehow, someway, the idea slinks through and people just think you are supposed to go get them whatever it is they want. Ummmm, No! You go work for it, you buy it and take pride and joy in the fact that you did a job well and, the use of whatever this thing was, that you wanted, is the joy you get from it. No wonder people are unhappy. They walk around looking for the next thing to be given to them and never mind that it costs someone a pretty penny. They didn't have to work for it. They don't appreciate it, so they really don't take care of it. Does it matter? No, 'cause they'll find some other sucker to buy it for them. I think my children caught the point of that message and really seemed to enjoy when we went out the other night and they found out that for their night of fun, it cost us over $100.00. There was a newfound look of respect in their eyes when they realize their parents really do love and care about them, want them to have fun, but not at the expense that it will run the family into the poor house. I asked them, “Was there anything we did here in this place that was worth $40.00?” and then my husband added on the comment that dinner and the tip for dinner succeeded in making the evening cost over $100.00. They were shocked but it was so worth the moment. Also in light of the fact that earlier that day we had discussed the Great Depression, Black Tuesday, and the 1920s. People might soon find that history is repeating itself once again, but my children know that we will be all right. God is faithful and true to take care of His people. We have committed unto Him our lives and He has yet to fail us or to not supply any of our needs, not our wants mind you, but our needs. But as my husband says, “God expects us to be wise stewards with what He has given us.”

I can't tell you how many times I have struggled with being the 'Mean Mommy Syndrome' because I am not doing this for my child. How others have made me feel like I am somehow failing my children because we didn't fork over the money for dance lessons, sports programs, the latest and greatest new technology. I even held resentment against my husband for such. However, I realize now I was wrong. I would have been depriving my children of lessons learned. Real life lessons that you don't learn in the school room, whether the school room is at home or in a public building or private. When the electricity goes off, will my children will be able to do math? the hard way, without a calculator. Will they be able to read and come to a logical decision for themselves why or why not this, whatever, is a good thing or a bad thing? Are we perfect? No, we are far from perfection. But they can reason. They can think. They have had problems and came up with answers to their problems for themselves. Is that a bad thing? They are dreamers, discoverers, explorers, and maybe, scientists in the making. I don't necessarily see this as bad. I am also not against those who have chosen to provide such things as dancing or sports for their children because I hope that deep inside of themselves they have asked that question, “is this what I need to do as a parent for my child?” If they have, in my book, it is not a problem. When they are not seeking guidance for their own families and follow others, it will fail every single time. Are we just keeping our children busy? Or, is this something that will help my child? I do hope one day to be able to give my daughter dance lessons. But I also tell her that my parents never paid my way, and the things I wanted to learn, I paid for when I got out on my own. My parents did good just keeping a roof over our heads, food in our tummies and clothes on our backs. It also helped to make me grateful for the privileges. I hope I can do the same for my children.