2011, It was supposed to be a better year.....

So we said 'Goodbye' to 2010 and Hello to 2011...joyfully, we watched for the calendar date to roll over.  It was to be a better year.  It was going to be different. We were not going back.  I'm trying to hang on...

2011 has started off with a bang for me.  My internet was down for two days, and then I got Shingles.  The dreaded disease...painful disease.  I developed a lump.  I thought, hmmmm, a boil.  I watched and waited.  Disinfected, sanitized and washed again and then again, one more time, for good measure.  It progressed.  Another bump, then another...other symptoms - dizzy, nauseated, very sore and stiff in the joints upon waking, all over aches and pains like the worst case of the flu you have ever had in your life.  AAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!

I went to the doc.  She helped, gave antibiotics, prescribed a different means of handling the issue as she is a naturopath.  And the family, 'Why don't you go to a real doctor?'  Did I mention I really dislike conflict?  But I know they love me and are concerned.  It didn't help that this condition came up in an unusual spot that just sometimes happens that way.  Hoo Boy...So, I am finally starting to feel like - "Okay Honey, you don't have to call the undertaker yet..."  I can't say I'm back to 100%, but I can tell I am feeling better.  Well actually, I wake up not feeling like an elephant slept on top of me all night.   We're making progress. 

So back to looking at 2011, looking for a promise of restoration.  God is so good.  We (I) are/am so grateful.  He has been so good to us.  He has answered and given sources to us that are encouraging and have given us hope.  He has given us friends who are truly friends.  No contingencies, no strings attached.  You know what I mean.... As a parent, I feel I have a grip now on what is happening with our children and life is going to get better without it having to be WWIII.  God is still providing.  The bullies are not defeating us.  In fact, the intimidation tactics tend to bring a different response out in us today.  God continues to teach us. 

I am really, really trying to learn not to let stress and people intimidate me.  I can't change how they behave.  I can only work on myself.  I am still hoping for a better year. 

A Day in the Life of Multi-Chemical Sensitivity Person...

How many of us, when we are out, have to use the public restroom?  How many of us prefer that people wash their hands when they have had to use the restroom?  All of us, right!  Yes! Most emphatically.  To think otherwise, well, let's just not go there.....but for some of us even washing our hands creates a problem.  I have finally made a connection between using the soap at a public restroom and a scalding, burn rash thingie that happens to my hands. 

I was lamenting over my hands to my husband.  They were hurting, cracked and bleeding.  It literally feels like I have scalded my hands.  So I get asked the usual question, "what did you eat?"  Nothing...nothing that is that I haven't already been eating and seemingly had no reaction.  If you talk with people who have these kinds of health problems, you find out just how hard this can be.  That is figuring out what you might be reacting to or not.  You log and log, you track, you check the ingredient of every thing that passes your lips.  What really makes it hard is they lie about their ingredients.  I was so happy when I found out one of the things that causes a major pain in my life. 

I finally made a connection between the only thing different was I had gone out of the house, had to go to the restroom and being the 'clean' person I am, washed my hands after using the restoom.  Within an hour's time, I had this scalded feeling, very dry, cracking skin on my hands.  Okay, we might need to kill germs but this seems overkill or is it the chemicals?  I don't know, I'm not a degreed, smart person, but I have learned to carry my own soap with me and use it.  You should see the rolling eyeball looks I get; but scalded hands or rolling eyeball looks - which would you choose?  Oh yeah, this also happens when I use some brands of flour - it results in my hands drying out, cracking open, and basically, an alligator has smoother skin than I do. 

And if one person tells me, you just need a good moisturizer....I slather 100% pure almond oil on my hands after I wash them or shower or Extra Virgin Olive Oil.  This helps more than any lotions which most lotions have some chemical in it that starts the whole process over again. 

Truth, Flitting, Evasive, What is Truth?

The harder I search for truth, the more confusing it becomes.  I really don't get the attitude of 'we can't tell the truth, we must appear this way or that."  It is very frustrating for me.  I anguish over it at times.  I also am blatently honest.  I guess that is why is hurts so when I find one is being less than honest with me.  As Christians, I know we fail.  I know we make mistakes.  I know we all sin.  If we are honest, we will admit it.  More and more I find people who try to make things appear as they were one way and it's really not that way.  It really hurts and in every case it has been someone who claims to be a "Christian".  Hmmmm, their definition of the term liar and my definition must be two different things.  Their Bible must say something that my Bible doesn't say.  I really, really do not go around trying to be something different in real life than I am on the internet.  I really try to live how I would like to be treated.  You know, the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." 

My husband has told me repeatedly, people will lie to you.  I'm like, why would they?  I don't lie when I get on the internet.  But yet again, they lie.  They deceive, they cover it up and make it appear as one thing when it is really something else, and that to me, my dear friend, is a lie.  Why?  Why do people do this?  And why does it most often come from someone who has a Bible in one hand and are quite loud and vocal about how they are a Christian, and yet, hmmm, let's examine that behavior. 

I think I am learning to let it go.  I have a friend who says why waste your time on it.  Because relationships matter.  People matter.  It's wrong.  To raise up your children and try to set an example for them only to see someone hurt them, it makes me mad.  Forgiveness?  Yes, I am trying to forgive.  I have to daily give it over to the Lord.  It really, really bugs me.  Why does someone do this? 

To me, it appears we have liars on every side.  The guy at work lied, the AMA lied, the governement lied, etc., etc.  on and on it goes...Don't they know...haven't they heard.  Jesus Christ is Lord.  He is coming back.  He will judge on that day.  I know we are not supposed to judge.  I know we are supposed to love, forgive, and all of that stuff.  But, I wonder again if love and forgive really mean what they said or if it might be something else. 

My son and I had a wonderful talk the other day about choosing to do right no matter what.  No matter how hard, no matter how lonely, no matter... ?  Whatever it is, you will always come out ahead if you choose to do right.  Why is it so hard to take off the masks of pretence?  Having to always appear a certain way to others as opposed to the truth.  I don't see it as being negative.  I see it that someone needs something.  As Christians, our duty is to minister to our brothers and sisters in the Lord.  So, dear Christian, why not share your struggles on your blog? After reading of an acquiantence who is facing a particular health challenge and stating they would not be detailing the struggle on their blog.   Be real.  Let others see you are not so perfect, that your life is not so easy, that all of us struggle.  I'm not saying focus on the negative.  I'm saying isn't it kind of a lie to say life is wonderful and happy when it's not.  And what is so bad about being honest and real as opposed to 'you can't talk about it' and 'life is wonderful all the time.'  Hmmmm, kind of reminds me of a song I used to listen to as a child...

"Their coming to take me away, ha, ha,
their coming to take me away, ho ho, hee, hee, ha, ha"....

Ummmm yea, when we can't really share what is on our hearts.  When we can't be honest.  Seriously, what is wrong with removing the mask and letting the imperfections be seen?  The one you thought was weak might be really strong and the one you thought was really strong, you'll find out how weak a person can be....