Destined For Greatness, part two...

Oh right, that's supposed to be God's place....

I had an epiphany or at least, it's my idea of an epiphany.  I had been contemplating my life.  Reflecting on my relationship with the Lord.  I have been so angry with him.  Lot of stuff, not really his fault but stuff I felt he should be helping me with and I wasn't feeling the love.  You know how that goes....

Anyhow, I was looking to the past and reflecting while working on another writing project.  I realized in an instance I had not grown.  I was thinking on the story of Lot and his wife.  How Lot's wife had looked back and they were warned not to look back.  The consequence of her action was to be turned into a pillar of salt.  I was looking back.  While not turning into a pillar of salt, looking back still had consequences that were not necessarily producing good results, especially to be growing in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

In that instance I realized I had not grown for two years.  I thought surely I have grown Lord.  I have come through this ________, and this ________, and ....Thinking these were all major things to have come through, surely I have grown.  The Lord showed me a small flower that just barely had sprouted through the ground.  I thought to myself, "Self, I haven't grown at all!  I have a lot more growing to do."  In some ways it was disappointing.  I am by no means 'young in the Lord', but I might as well have been.  Then I felt the Lord telling me that by focusing on the past, the hurts, the regrets, the what might have beens, etc.; all of that was hindering the growth of this flower that he so wanted to grow, nourish and have bloom into a beautiful flower.  I had not been turned into a pillar of salt, but I might as well have been. 

By focusing on the past, all of the issues were causing a hindrence, stifling, bondage, doubt; all were things that caused a slowing down or complete stopping of growing in the Lord.  So I am purposing in my heart to move on.  Looking to the future.  I can't change the past, but I can actively pursue the future with faith.  Faith that the Lord hasn't forgotten me.  He is still leading me.  He is the author and the finisher of our faith, my faith.   

Destined For Greatness!

Have you ever felt or yearned for something, just knew that somehow, some way you were supposed to do this thing, whatever that yearning may be...and totally in the wrong place, wrong time - things never come together right.  That is how I feel in my life right now.  If only...

If only I had more money.  If only my house were bigger.  If only...Lord, how can you use me if these things are never in my life.  And it is not really discontent.  It is more of others would be uncomfortable stacked like sardines in my little house.  Others would really not be ministered too.  It seems to be an endless battle.  It is frustrating.  I have to admit I am frustrated by these things, small as they might be. 

I have been around people who have the ability to do these things and they do not have the skills.  They have the money, but they don't have the time.  They have the house big enough to stack quite a few sardines, but not the other connections.  It really is frustrating to me.  God, why did you put me here if only to leave me just sitting here unable to do this thing?